My birth story

My life is forever changed and I can't stop smiling. I am on a constant cloud nine when I am with my son and my heart aches with love.

I have been so anxious and excited to share my birth story. It was the most intense, God-inspiring, beautiful, frightening, exhausting, painful, joyous experience I have ever been through. And honestly... I can't wait to do it again! But not ANYTIME soon. More like, 5 years from now:]

So let's get on with the story! It all started...

On Saturday October 1st at 8 am. My due date was September 26th and that day came and went and I was still pregnant. Every hour that he wasn't here felt like an eternity. Every day I woke up, Matt would ask, "So are you going to give me a baby today?" and every day there was no baby. I did everything I possibly could to get him out: I walked, ate spicy food, bounced for hours on a medicine ball and lots more. Still... NO baby. My induction date was set for Monday the 3rd and at the rate I was going, I accepted the fact that this baby wasn't going to come on his own and I was going to be induced. 

Friday evening we spent at Matt's parents watching movies. I was going to the bathroom every 15 minutes which even in my huge pregnancy state was surprisingly out of the norm. I felt completely fine other than that and had not yet had any braxton hicks. 

I woke up Saturday incredibly early (for me anyways, 8 am might as well be 5am) and I felt off. I was really nauseated and I couldn't get comfortable. Matt suggested we go to the hospital to get checked out. Since I wasn't having any contractions I felt silly going to the hospital and I didn't want to spend a few hours at the hospital just to get sent home. 

Our bags were all packed and we headed to the hospital. I am so thankful Matt convinced me to go because on our way there I got a 10 minute long contraction that did not end. I learned breathing techniques in our birthing class but because there was no break to catch my breathe, I couldn't do anything but freak out. I was clutching the handle above the door as if my life depended on it. This was the ONLY time I said a few obscenities and begged Matt to get us to the hospital NOW! Of course everyone on the road decided to drive below the speed limit at this exact moment. The whole drive over felt like a total movie cliche: pregnant wife freaking out in excruciating pain and frantic husband trying to get to the hospital as fast as he possibly could.

By the time we got to the hospital the contraction had stopped and I was able to walk and use my breathing techniques. We signed paperwork and they hooked me up to the monitors and we waited a few minutes. 

So while I am hooked up I hear the baby's heartbeat and everything with him is good. I however was a different story. My blood pressure was dangerously high, I had preeclampsia (which is incredibly dangerous and the only cure is to deliver the baby) and I had low platelets in my blood. With all of that and the contractions I was having, the doctor told us they were definitely keeping me. Matt looked at me with complete joy and said, "We are going to have a baby today!!" We called our families and told them I was officially in labor! We got set up in our room and I got to get hooked up to IV's. 

At this point I was still not feeling any contractions and I was dilated at 3cm. I thought it would be a good time to get my epidural before I could start feeling pain. Because my platelets were right at the border of being too low, the anesthesiologist  wasn't comfortable giving me an epidural. I started panicking because not getting an epidural was never part of the plan. I prepared myself for it not to work but not even getting it at all really scared me. Luckily my doctor was fantastic and she convinced the anesthesiologist to give me the epidural! As excited as I was, I was still really nervous about the procedure. I have seen so many movies when women  are in labor and the needle is always obscenely huge. 

The entire procedure didn't take more than 15 minutes and it wasn't as bad as I thought! The worst part was when the tube was inserted, it brushed up against some nerves and it sent what felt like an electrical shock down my leg. So not fun. 20 minutes later I felt amazing. We put on Anchorman and settled in. 

Hours went by and not much changed. I was put on Pitocin to speed up my contractions, along with Magnesium Sulfate to bring my blood pressure down, my regular IV fluids and the epidural medicine. 

The further I progressed I started feeling pain with my contractions on the lower part of my stomach. They kept giving me different doses of medicine for the pain in hopes of finding the right combination to make the pain go away. It would work for a few hours but then the pain would come back. 

My water had still not broken so they sent for the doctor to come and break it. No sooner that they call for the doctor that I felt something. Since I had just received my epidural medicine I honestly thought I was peeing! It was so embarrassing. I told the nurse and she checked me and said, "No your water broke. And WHOA that is a lot of fluid!" Yeah... it went on for FOREVER, well... it felt like forever.

Now that my water broke the contractions started getting really intense. The doctors were still trying to get the right dose of medicine to numb me completely but in doing so I was getting quite loopy. Matt watched the monitor to let me know when a contraction was coming so I could brace myself and start breathing.

Matt's mom and my mother were there the whole time. I distinctly remember Matt's mom cheering me on and telling me how good I was doing.  

By this point I had been given SO much medicine that I could not stay awake at all. I felt like someone gave me way too many sleeping pills. Matt would wake me up when I would get a contraction and walk me through it until I reached the peak and then he would tell me when it would start going down. By the time the peak was over I would completely pass out. This went on for an hour or so. 

It was around 2 am and I was around 7-8cm dilated when Fenix's head started descending. Now, every contraction I felt up until this time was painful, but I could breathe through them and I didn't feel like I was dying. I never cried, screamed or yelled at Matt. This pain I felt when he started coming down was a whole new level of pain that I had never felt. It almost brought me to tears and I didn't know if I could do it. The anesthesiologist gave me a dose of medicine one last time before I would start pushing... and PRAISE THE LORD it worked!! I would get contractions and I couldn't feel anything! 

I was able to sleep for awhile which was amazing. An hour later and I got woken up by the nurse telling me I was 9 cm and if I wanted to I could start practicing pushing. I looked around and saw the nurses getting the room ready. I was still drugged out of my mind and had a ridiculously hard time staying awake. 

The next thing I knew Matt was waking me up and they told me I was ready, it was time to push. It really scared me, that because I was so drugged that I may not be able to push effectively or push at all. The nurse also told my mom and MIL that they could call my family and let them know it was going to take 1-2 hours for the baby to come which is normal for first time moms.

It was 4:55 in the morning and I started pushing. Within 2 pushes his head was already coming out. The nurse told us, "Well I think this baby will be born at 5:00". Everyone was in shock and started calling everyone to let them know Fenix was coming NOW! I pushed for 5 more minutes and he was almost out. All I heard was my mom and MIL gasping and crying and encouraging me that he was almost here. One more push and then...

My son was born.

I waited my entire life for this moment and I could not believe that he was real, that he really did exist and wasn't a dream.

I carried him for 10 months and 5 days. 

I was in labor for 20 hours and pushed him out in 10 minutes. 

He came out completely calm and wide eyed. When they placed him on my chest he didn't make a peep and instead just stared at me, as if he knew that I was his mommy. The nurses had to poke him quite a bit to get him to cry but when he did a loud wail was heard and we knew he was alright. 

His dad and both Grandmas witnessed him coming into this world and it forever changed their lives. All I could hear was uncontrollable crying from all of them as the nurses checked him out. 

He was born at 5:06 in the morning.

He had 10 fingers and 10 toes. 

He weighed 8 pounds, 2 ounces and was 21 inches long. 

He had a little bit of jaundice but other than that he was perfectly healthy.

Matt and I were in complete awe of him and we could not believe that we created something so beautiful and perfect. We fell more in love with each other that day.

Words can never describe all the emotions I felt throughout this whole experience. It was so profoundly life changing and is the reason I came into this world. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I prayed for this child. I wanted nothing more in life than to be a mom. To raise my child with my husband and watch him grow up. 

I can't thank God enough for this beautiful blessing. I am so honored and so proud to be a mom. It is everything I envisioned and so much more. 

Waiting on Fenix Vincent Ramsaur...

In awe of God's amazing blessing @ 27 weeks.

We have come a long way since the last post! I am now 31 weeks pregnant and so much has happened in the last few months. This is going to be a big update filled with lots of pictures, just to warn you :]

I will start us off shortly after the last post.

Basically, the second trimester was the best time of my life (the 3rd isn't over yet!). I have never felt healthier, hungrier or more beautiful in my life. This was the time that my little baby bump grew into a belly and it was evident that my little man was definitely in my tummy and was getting bigger everyday! Even though we were no longer in my first trimester, I never took for granted that my baby was in God's hands. I sometimes found myself not wanting to get attached because if something were to happen, I didn't know if my heart could take it. With each appointment and ultrasound I breathed a sigh of relief as I heard his heartbeat, which was always strong, saw his squirmy body on the screen and got reassurance from my doctor that everything looked normal. Never in my life was I so happy to hear the words normal. 

I eventually lost my fear of the unknown and instead just released my worries up to God and allowed myself to just treasure every moment of my pregnancy. I am so glad I did.

Around 14 weeks we went to have the ultrasound that would tell us if we were having a boy or a girl. Matt's parents, brothers, grandma and my mom all went with us and we all waited and watched the flat screen TV in anticipation. The ultrasound went on for about 5 minutes before the technician zoomed in on the baby's private region. She pointed to his little "peanut" and said, "It looks like you're having a boy!" I didn't see anyone's reaction because I instantly started crying tears of joy. I don't know why but knowing the gender of my baby made it more real, that this was all really happening and I was able to bond with him more. Matt and I hugged each other and I continued crying and so did he. It really was pure bliss.

Here are the pictures from the ultrasound from that day.

The back of Fenix and he is also waving Hello. 

Posing with his arm bent and his fist is resting on his cheek. 

It's a BOY!

When we found out it was a boy we told our families we would be naming him Fenix Vincent. I have a different/unique name and as frustrating as it is when people say/spell my name wrong (which is all the time) I love that not many people have my name. We wanted something different but nothing crazy. I loved the name Fenix and Matt picked out the spelling. His middle name Vincent is after my grandfather on my mother's side. I know if he were here, he would be so proud. 

Around this time this is what my bump looked like.

The next couple weeks flew by and my little bump got bigger and bigger. I anxiously awaited the one thing I was looking forward to while pregnant: feeling the baby move! At around 16 weeks (when a lot of websites say you may be able to feel the baby) any movement, I thought, could be the baby. Most people said, "You will definitely know when the baby kicks". Well on Mother's Day my family and I celebrated by going to the Cannery and enjoyed lobster tails, potatoes au gratin and delicious dessert. I love the restaurant because it's right on the harbor and you get a great view. Matt and I spent the evening watching his favorite, Star Wars. Half way through the movie I felt a strong POP and it made me yell out WHOA! Matt looked at me and I told him, "I just felt the baby kick!" Of course it would happen during Star Wars. Matt was definitely proud of his boy. 

My husband and I, stuffed, on Mother's Day.

My sister, momma and I. Oh and Fenix too!

A few days after Mother's Day we got the results from our anatomy ultrasound. Around 20 weeks I went to our hospital and they did a full scan of the baby's entire body and organs. I was really amazed at all they could see considering he was so tiny. We also got lots of pictures and a dvd of the little guy. The technician was really nice and assured us that everything looked normal and the baby was measuring a few days earlier than his due date. We went to our OB/GYN appointment and the Dr. said everything looked perfect. No down syndrome. No cleft lip. Just normal. I was so relieved to hear those words again. And I also got a photo shoot of my little man.

Fenix's profile at 19 weeks.

Fenix facing us. Those little round circles are his fists.

He was hiding his face with his arm and hand.

Baby feet. Need I say more.

Here are some pictures of my growing bump.

Around 26 weeks Matt and I got some upsetting news. The baby is perfectly fine and it has nothing to do with him but it definitely put a huge wrench in a lot of our plans that were already made. It is so hard to not be stressed out when certain situations arise and I literally could not allow myself to stress because it is so not good for Fenix. We have done everything we could to solve one of the issues and to this day it is still not resolved. It's more frustrating because it is out of our control and the person taking care of it is not following up with us and doesn't seem to think our situation is urgent enough and is taking their sweet time with it. To say I am livid is putting it mildly because it's not just about me, it's about ensuring Fenix gets the proper care he deserves. You don't want to mess with a soon to be mama bear. Trust me.

On a happier note...

Since we found out we were pregnant the one event we were both looking forward to was getting a 3D/4D ultrasound. I know a lot of people don't like them because they say their babies look bizarre, etc. but we aren't one of those couples, so hush. Around 28 weeks we had the ultrasound done and we were amazed at all the things we saw our little bird doing. He smiled, grimaced, opened his eyes, yawned and curled his toes. We didn't get as many pictures of his face as we wanted because he was using his umbilical cord as a blanket and was holding it the whole time. We got a ton of pictures and a few profile shots in regular 2D and it is blatantly clear that he has Matt's nose. 

I am convinced that Fenix is going to just look just like Matt... but a brown version:]

Hugging his umbilical cord.

That right there is a smile !!

I picture these little feetsies every time he kicks me. They sure do look chubby!

My generous and oh sweet friend Marge took our maternity pictures and they came out absolutely amazing. I am going to be using some of these pictures and putting them in the baby's nursery and some will be displayed at my baby shower, which is in just a few weeks. 

 "It's good to be in love.."

This is my absolute favorite. My husband is a hunk!

Love, love this picture.

My little family!!

Molly stealing all the attention as usual.

My baby girl and I. 

About a week ago we finished majority of the nursery. We still have pictures to hang, wall decals to add and our glider is on it's way. Matt did everything of course and I can't take any credit, other than bringing him water when he needed it :]

It really warmed my heart to see how much pride Matt took in preparing the nursery, from painting to assembling furniture, I could see so much love in his face, that he was doing this for his boy, his son. I can't tell you how excited I am to see Fenix and Matt together. I know that Fenix is going to have the best daddy that is going to love him unconditionally and be there for him no matter what.

I of course am obsessed with anything involving trees and woodland creatures, especially owls. This bedding/accessory set could not have been more perfect. The best part was we bought everything for half off.

We only have 60 days until his due date. 

60! 

Two months!

I can't say it enough but I absolutely love being pregnant. It really is such a blessing to be able to become pregnant and that is something I never have taken for granted. Sure there are some minor discomforts not including all the physical changes your body goes through but regardless of what issues I face, I would do it over again in a heartbeat. Plus I, unlike a lot of women, don't see my weight gain as me getting fat. I am right on track in the weight department, I have gained 20 lbs. so far and I have 9 weeks left. Even with that weight I feel more beautiful than I ever have. Plus it is always nice to get a confidence boost from my hubby when he tells me everyday that I am beautiful. I love him.

God is so good and He has truly blessed me with more than I could ever imagine. I stand in awe of all He has done and I could never repay Him for all the joy He has brought in my life. All I can do is be a servant to Him and live my life in a way that makes Him proud.

201 days to go...

I have been wanting to update everyone on how the pregnancy is going, but I have been SO sick and spent most of February on our couch :/ The only thing that got me through it was knowing that if I am sick, the baby is doing good! I did have a few days of feeling good but they never lasted and I would spend the rest of the day nauseas. 

The day before Valentine's day Matt and I went to see the Decemberists in San Diego and had the time of our lives. We had never seen them live and we were anxious to see them sing our favorite songs. They did not disappoint! They interacted with the crowd so well and we spent most of the show laughing at their crazy antics. We also got the baby a Decemberists t-shirt and I can't wait until they are big enough to wear it! 

I am now starting to feel normal again and I am loving every minute of it! My appetite is ferocious to say the least. I have to eat every 2-3 hours or I get a headache and feel nauseas. I am still not loving red meat, pizza, and most frozen foods (weird!!). Home style waffles, chicken, orange juice and water are at the top of my must eats!

Before I got pregnant, grocery shopping was my favorite chore. It was a way for me to unwind and relax and I loved picking out yummy food and treats! Throughout my pregnancy, the grocery store absolutely terrified me! The thought of it made me exhausted and nauseas. Today was my first time in a grocery store in over a month. I felt like I climbed a mountain and I was so grateful for this burst of energy that is allowing me to get out of the house and feel normal! I also got a pedi and that made me feel even better! Now our fridge is stocked with healthy goodies and I am even going to make Matt dinner tonight!

I could not have gotten through my first trimester without Matthew. His patience, understanding, compassion and love was so evident and he was so happy to do anything and everything that I needed. It's amazing how much more I love him and how I continue to fall more in love with him every day. He is there for me however and whenever I need him and I couldn't be more proud to be his wife. 

The baby is now as big as a LIME! The baby bird has gone through so many changes in the last month and I LOVE reading everything and anything about their growth. We have our last first trimester appointment next week and we have been counting down the days! Every appt. is nerve wracking for me because I don't want to hear bad news:( The bird has been doing so good and always has a strong heartbeat! I am so excited to start the second trimester and all the lovely changes that my body will go through as my bump gets bigger and bigger. I am beyond anxious to feel the baby kick and I can't wait for that special moment! 

Please continue to pray and send good thoughts to us! I am aware that my baby is in God's hands and I pray with my whole heart that we have a healthy baby boy or girl. That we can celebrate many birthdays, that I can kiss many boo boo's, bake lots of cookies, see lots of school plays... I can not think of anything better for our lives:]

6 weeks and so in love.

The babies first picture:]

SO much has happened in the last week since we found out we were expecting. I have not been up to blogging or anything else for that matter.This little baby bird is making me nauseas all day long and incredibly tired. Luckily I still have not gotten anything more than nauseated! My life consists of laying on the couch, sleeping and eating. As horrible as I feel, I am comforted by my pregnancy symptoms because that means the baby is still there and doing well if I am sick all the time. 

I am basically useless and I have been relying on Matt for everything. He has been so patient, caring and sweet. He is always at my side and so willing to do anything I need.  I can't thank him enough and I am so blessed to have him as my husband!

The last post we were planning on telling our family and friends at my "surprise" birthday party. Little did they know the surprise was really for them:]

The cover up was that Matt was taking me somewhere and he wanted me to get all dolled up and get my make up done at Nordy's. I left the house around 10:30 and was supposed to get to the house by 1pm so everyone could be there and yell SURPRISE! I accidentally left my phone at home and I didn't know Matt was frantically trying to call me because people were trying to cancel and or going to be late. Matt had to be really stern with his mom and told her that she HAD to be there even though she was a little sick. Fortunately, everyone showed up and I arrived right on time. They all yelled surprise as I tried my best to act like I had no idea what was going on and try to hide my nervousness. We had to tell everyone immediately because there were two bottles of champagne and they were waiting on me to open them. Matt put the babies shoes in a gift bag and announced to everyone that I had to open my present now and that it was a gift for everyone. They all tried guessing what it was and Matt's dad asked if it was alive (yes it most certainly is!). I opened the gift and everyone just stared at us and was not understanding why I was holding baby shoes. Our grandma's were talking away and didn't even notice what we were doing! Matt had to say WE'RE PREGNANT and then all of their mouths dropped and all we heard was screaming, WHAT?!, gasps and lots of other things. We gave them all the details and there were LOTS of hugs, congratulations and tons of love.

I was so scared to tell our families fearing that they may think we weren't ready but everyone supported us 100% and are SO SO excited for the baby bird to come into this world. I can not tell you how much that meant to me and we could not keep a smile off our faces!

Today was a crucial Dr. appointment for the baby and we went to hear it's heartbeat. I was so nervous going in because so many things can wrong in the 1st trimester and I was terrified of getting bad news. My mom and Matt came with me and we anxiously waited while the Dr. was checking the ultrasound screen. I then heard the most amazing sound in my life: my babies heartbeat!! He turned the screen around so we all could see this teeny tiny little thing and it's teeny tiny heart beating, which looked more like fluttering. We then heard the heartbeat again and he said it is right where it should be. He also said that whenever they hear a heartbeat you have a 95% chance of carrying the baby full term! Basically the baby is doing VERY well and I am due September 27! 

I also want to thank everyone for their prayers! We need as much as we can get and we still have another 6 weeks until we are done with the 1st trimester. 

This is such an exciting time for us I am doing my best to treasure every moment, even if every moment consists of me being nauseas!