Now I don't know if anyone or any book can really prepare you for parenthood. There are so many factors that go into it and no baby is the same. You can research every baby book, take every baby class and talk to people all you want but when it comes down to it, all you can do is jump in feet first and hope for the best.
The first few days in the hospital went by in a hazy blur. I was still receiving magnesium sulfate to bring down my blood pressure and that left me feeling off. Recovering from giving birth was so much harder and painful than I expected. I could barely get in and out of bed without crying in pain. Any movement required Matt's help. Pushing Fenix out in 10 minutes definitely came with a painful price.
The recovery process was definitely rough but Fenix was absolutely amazing. The first day of his life he barely cried and was perfectly calm and content. Everyone that came to visit was in shock at how calm he was. It was made even more evident by the screaming babies next door to us that cried ALL night and day. He was also very eager to nurse and he even impressed the lactation consultant with how good he was doing.
Even though Fenix was eager to nurse it still hurt like no other. The first day every latch felt like razor blades on my raw skin. I bit my lip and pushed on. "I had to do this. There is no option to quit and it will get better." I had to keep telling myself this because it could have been so easy to give him formula but this was something I wanted so very badly. I knew it was the best for him and if that meant I had to be in pain than so be it.
It was no longer about me, it will now always be about him.
Even with that mindset I had a meltdown the second day. I was so overwhelmed and tired. We called the lactation consultant in and I had tears running down my face. I was so frustrated and desperate for it to work and to not be in excruciating pain. She showed me different ways to hold him and help him latch on and it made a BIG difference. It was seriously life changing. It still hurt but only briefly. Fenix and I were new at this and we were both learning together.
I remember wanting with every fiber in my being to take a shower. I had so many IV's and needles in my arm that I couldn't shower until the doctor gave the okay to remove them. On Monday they finally took me off the medicine and I got to take my long awaited shower. There are no words to explain how glorious that shower was. I made sure to bring my shampoo, conditioner and body wash from home. Smelling like me again, putting on my clothes and taking off that dreadful hospital gown gave me a whole new outlook on life. Not really, but you get the idea.
Tuesday we were supposed to be released from the hospital. The doctor made his rounds and kept getting called into emergency c-sections. We thought we would get to home around noon... we didn't actually get discharged until 6:30 at night. When we finally got let go we were ecstatic and a little nervous. We no longer could press a button and have a nurse come in and help us with any questions.
We would be completely on our own.
It was cloudy, dark, windy and raining when we left the hospital. Matt drove 25 mph on the way home. It took us twice as long to get home but I didn't mind. We were both so scared of every driver on the road.
I remember getting home, swaddling Fenix, placing him in his bassinet and looking at Matt like what do we do next? He was all ours and it was up to us to take care of him. That concept just blew my mind.
Now I married my husband for many reasons. I knew above all else, he was going to be an amazing father and husband. During the first week he completely blew me away. He not only had to help take care of me but Fenix as well and he did it with a smile. He was right by my side willing to do anything and everything to help and always with a "Yes dear, I would love to." I fell in love with him all over again. I could completely feel the love he had for Fenix and I. He was so patient, compassionate and so proud to take care of his son and I.
We are also so incredibly fortunate to have a ridiculously calm, rarely ever cries, good tempered baby. Newborns are supposed to cry all the time and sometimes for no reason. Luckily Fenix did not get that memo. I didn't want to say how impressed I was with him out loud for fear that I would jinx it and a crying switch would go off. At the end of the week not much had changed. Basically we just had a good baby.
The first week also was a huge transformation for my body and I lost 30 pounds. It was amazing seeing my deflated tummy shrink back to a slightly normal size. I was so excited to finally wear my wedding/engagement rings! My fingers were so puffy for the last 5 months of my pregnancy and I thought they would fit again. Sadly my fingers along with my shoe size were no longer the same. I went up a 1/2 shoe size and I went from a size 6 ring size to a 6 1/2 ring size. Along with all the other changes my body was going through, the most drastic change was my swollen feet/ankles/legs. When I was pregnant they were all one body part, basically a cankle. It was oh so attractive and I was only able to wear flip flops and even those left marks because they were too tight. It felt nice to not scare everyone with my incredibly puffy state.
At one week old Fenix weighed 9 pounds 3 ounces. He gained an impressive 1 pound 7 ounces since he was born! Along with that, breastfeeding was obviously going well if he was putting on that amount of chubs. We were both getting used to it and it still hurt at first but after a minute or so the pain would subside. I felt so proud that I was able to push past the pain. The feeling that I was nourishing my baby with the best possible food made all the pain so worth it.
Fenix made us laugh all the time at his inability to control his eyes. He would go cross eyed every now and then and we would be laughing hysterically. He absolutely hated bath time and cried like we were torturing him. He lost his umbilical chord when he was 4 days old. The lifeline that connected him and I for 10 months was gone.
And before we knew it, we had survived the first week! It was so much easier than we thought mostly because Fenix was such an easy baby. Our baby was healthy and growing and we were on cloud nine, still in awe at this little miracle we created.
We are also so incredibly fortunate to have a ridiculously calm, rarely ever cries, good tempered baby. Newborns are supposed to cry all the time and sometimes for no reason. Luckily Fenix did not get that memo. I didn't want to say how impressed I was with him out loud for fear that I would jinx it and a crying switch would go off. At the end of the week not much had changed. Basically we just had a good baby.
The first week also was a huge transformation for my body and I lost 30 pounds. It was amazing seeing my deflated tummy shrink back to a slightly normal size. I was so excited to finally wear my wedding/engagement rings! My fingers were so puffy for the last 5 months of my pregnancy and I thought they would fit again. Sadly my fingers along with my shoe size were no longer the same. I went up a 1/2 shoe size and I went from a size 6 ring size to a 6 1/2 ring size. Along with all the other changes my body was going through, the most drastic change was my swollen feet/ankles/legs. When I was pregnant they were all one body part, basically a cankle. It was oh so attractive and I was only able to wear flip flops and even those left marks because they were too tight. It felt nice to not scare everyone with my incredibly puffy state.
At one week old Fenix weighed 9 pounds 3 ounces. He gained an impressive 1 pound 7 ounces since he was born! Along with that, breastfeeding was obviously going well if he was putting on that amount of chubs. We were both getting used to it and it still hurt at first but after a minute or so the pain would subside. I felt so proud that I was able to push past the pain. The feeling that I was nourishing my baby with the best possible food made all the pain so worth it.
Fenix made us laugh all the time at his inability to control his eyes. He would go cross eyed every now and then and we would be laughing hysterically. He absolutely hated bath time and cried like we were torturing him. He lost his umbilical chord when he was 4 days old. The lifeline that connected him and I for 10 months was gone.
And before we knew it, we had survived the first week! It was so much easier than we thought mostly because Fenix was such an easy baby. Our baby was healthy and growing and we were on cloud nine, still in awe at this little miracle we created.
Second day in the hospital and trying out his binky for the first time
Last day in the hospital!
Finally home!!
First night at home and sleeping like a baby
Trying out his Boppy and Halo Sleepsack
Always sleeping with his mouth open
Going to the Doctor
Cuddling with mommy
Cross eyed!
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