The last picture you will ever see of me in a bikini, for many reasons.
I, like almost every girl, have never been happy with my body. As awful as it sounds, I used to be jealous of girls who were anorexic. Jealous that they could get that skinny and I couldn't.
I have always equated the scale with my self worth.
Even when I was at my lowest weight of 110 at 5'5 (the picture above at my tiniest), in my mind, I wasn't skinny enough. If I wasn't skinny enough then I obviously wasn't good enough.
It did alarm me because if being that skinny wasn't good enough, then how much weight would I have to lose until it was enough.
God had a fantastic way of teaching me to love myself in a way I never thought possible.
When I became pregnant, I looked at my body in a completely different way. As the months went on, my belly grew and so did the numbers on the scale. For once in my life, I was not afraid of what the scale was telling me. Of course, I was eating healthy and I didn't have the mindset that pregnancy meant I could eat whatever I wanted. As long as the the baby and I were healthy, I didn't care how much weight I gained.
Towards the end of my pregnancy I weighed 190 pounds. The best and crazy part?
I had never felt more beautiful.
To say I was proud to be pregnant would be a huge understatement. I was learning that my body didn't belong to me anymore, which was only helping the transition into becoming a mom.
After I had Fenix, I wasn't concerned whatsoever with how and when I was going to lose all the weight I gained when I was pregnant. Within 3 weeks though, I had lost everything. It was completely insane and I couldn't believe it happened that fast.
After your body swells to an enormous size and goes back to it's original size so quickly, nothing looks the same. My boobs (yes I said boobs, deal with it) are unnecessarily big and are incredibly annoying. My stomach is flat but my skin is not toned at all and is quite sad looking. I have stretch marks on my side and below my belly button.
This is the reality of being a mom.
You give up your body to bring a child into this world. Unless you are one of the few that this doesn't happen to, you are extremely lucky and I hate you. Not really. Only a little bit though (I really don't hate anyone, how about dislike).
If you are like the rest of us normal people, what I described above is what you may go through.
And it will all be worth it.
Carrying Fenix for almost 41 weeks and now being able to nurse him for 5 months is a complete blessing and an honor. My body could have miscarried. My body could have delivered Fenix too early. My body could have not produced milk after he was born. I am fully aware of all the what if's that could have happened. I can never thank God enough for letting everything happen as it did.
God used this beautiful time to show me my true beauty. My body has a purpose. and that is to sustain my son. It is obviously going really well, have you seen that kid?
Even though my body is not the ideal form of beauty, that being a size 2 and having no imperfections, I have never been happier. I finally love the skin I am in and I can thank God and Mr. Fenix for that.
I have always equated the scale with my self worth.
Even when I was at my lowest weight of 110 at 5'5 (the picture above at my tiniest), in my mind, I wasn't skinny enough. If I wasn't skinny enough then I obviously wasn't good enough.
It did alarm me because if being that skinny wasn't good enough, then how much weight would I have to lose until it was enough.
God had a fantastic way of teaching me to love myself in a way I never thought possible.
When I became pregnant, I looked at my body in a completely different way. As the months went on, my belly grew and so did the numbers on the scale. For once in my life, I was not afraid of what the scale was telling me. Of course, I was eating healthy and I didn't have the mindset that pregnancy meant I could eat whatever I wanted. As long as the the baby and I were healthy, I didn't care how much weight I gained.
Towards the end of my pregnancy I weighed 190 pounds. The best and crazy part?
I had never felt more beautiful.
To say I was proud to be pregnant would be a huge understatement. I was learning that my body didn't belong to me anymore, which was only helping the transition into becoming a mom.
After I had Fenix, I wasn't concerned whatsoever with how and when I was going to lose all the weight I gained when I was pregnant. Within 3 weeks though, I had lost everything. It was completely insane and I couldn't believe it happened that fast.
After your body swells to an enormous size and goes back to it's original size so quickly, nothing looks the same. My boobs (yes I said boobs, deal with it) are unnecessarily big and are incredibly annoying. My stomach is flat but my skin is not toned at all and is quite sad looking. I have stretch marks on my side and below my belly button.
This is the reality of being a mom.
You give up your body to bring a child into this world. Unless you are one of the few that this doesn't happen to, you are extremely lucky and I hate you. Not really. Only a little bit though (I really don't hate anyone, how about dislike).
If you are like the rest of us normal people, what I described above is what you may go through.
And it will all be worth it.
Carrying Fenix for almost 41 weeks and now being able to nurse him for 5 months is a complete blessing and an honor. My body could have miscarried. My body could have delivered Fenix too early. My body could have not produced milk after he was born. I am fully aware of all the what if's that could have happened. I can never thank God enough for letting everything happen as it did.
God used this beautiful time to show me my true beauty. My body has a purpose. and that is to sustain my son. It is obviously going really well, have you seen that kid?
Even though my body is not the ideal form of beauty, that being a size 2 and having no imperfections, I have never been happier. I finally love the skin I am in and I can thank God and Mr. Fenix for that.
But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
1 Samuel 16:7
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14
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