6 months

Dear Fenix,

You are half way to your first birthday. Why are you growing up SO quickly and how can I make it stop? We can send people into space and to the moon but we haven't found out a way to slow down the rate that babies grow up. Ridiculous! 

I know I always say that every month is my favorite but this month has been my absolute favorite, hands down.

We were very excited to buy you a bouncer until we learned that you are too fat for it. Well, you are almost too fat, you are at the max limit of weight. Honestly, we did not want to spend more than $100 on something you would grow out of in a month or so. Luckily, your Auntie Seddy let us borrow your cousin Natalia's bouncer. Yay for family and yay for free! You love your walker, LOVE it. We had no idea what would happen when we put you in the bouncer. This is what happened after a minute of you in it:

YOU LOVE IT! It needs to be noted that you look like a ballerina. I laughed so hard that I cried. You bounced so hard that we were nervous that you may break the thing!

Speaking of you being fat (I say that with the most love a mother can use!) we took you to the CHP to get your big boy car seat checked and properly installed. 7 out 10 car seats are installed wrong and car accidents are the number 1 killer of children. When you hear statistics like that, I can't understand why parents don't take their car seats to get checked. It's free, takes only an hour of your time and it could save your child's life! Anyways, your new car seat is triple the size of your infant one and you look so tiny in it, which is rare! 

I know you may think it is ridiculous but we bought you a Boba Carrier and I am not even kidding, that thing has changed my life. You love being held and I like the use of my arms, enter the Boba. Because you are so heavy (you weigh as much as an average 1 year old) other carriers just will not do. I need something with extreme support and this thing feels like a dream. You fall asleep in it every time! When you refuse to take your naps and we have tried every other option, I will put you in this and you will fall asleep within 5 minutes. If I ever meet the maker of the Boba I will give them a BIG hug. 

Your sleep pattern is so inconsistent. Some nights you go to sleep without a fight or one peep. Other nights it is a struggle. One night you woke up every 2 hours and then 5 hours in you refused to go back to sleep and would not stop crying. We finally put you in your crib and let you cry it out. This whole, CIO thing, is the absolute worst and definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to go through as a parent. Your dad and I have got into many "discussions" about this and we are still not on the same page. I have talked about it many times on my blog but I can't stress enough how incredibly painful it is for me to hear you cry from more than 30 seconds. My heart literally feels like it is breaking. That night you wouldn't sleep, I broke down. I cried and screamed into my pillow. I was so frustrated with everything and my heart couldn't take hearing you. That was one of our worst nights.

On a happier note, you went to a birthday party for the first time and you were perfect. You didn't cry or whine once! It was completely unplanned but we all wore green and blue plaid shirts. This happens often so you better get used to it. 

When we left you looked like you were really sad to go.

For a month or so you had been trying to roll over. You'd get on your side and then your arm would be pinned under your body and then you couldn't figure out that you need to swing your upper leg over in order to roll over AND move your arm from underneath. You eventually figured most of it out but couldn't get enough momentum to roll your body all the way.
One night, I was getting you ready for bed, your aunt Karen and uncle Adam were over, you were in your crib and I was just about to put your pajamas on. You were trying to roll over and I had a feeling that you were going to do the real thing. I called your dad and told him to get the camera, I think this is it! We cheered you on for about a minute a finally, you did it. You rolled over for the first time and we caught it all on camera! 

(You can go on my Youtube channel, or should I say Fenix channel and see both of the videos in a bigger, better quality format.)

The only way to describe the emotions I was feeling, watching you do this complicated range of motions, was it felt like it did when I got my epidural and it finally kicked in. I was on cloud 9 and I am pretty sure I was literally beaming light, that is how proud I was.

I know I shouldn't be surprised by this whatsoever but it amazes me how much you LOVE to eat your baby food! There needs to be a greater word to describe your feelings toward eating. Carrots are still your favorite followed by apples, bananas, pears and when you tried sweet potatoes again, you were hooked. You did NOT like sweet peas and I don't blame you. They looked and smelled awful and I still won't eat them. We tried giving you mangoes and peaches but they may have been too acidic for you because you made the funniest faces and were over it very quickly. Most 6 month old are eating 1st foods (smallest portion available) but not my son. Nope. You eat 2nd foods (almost double the portion) and you still don't seem to be full.

You also learned how to clap! It isn't a perfect clap, it is more like your fists keep hitting each other but whenever I clap and say YAY! you "clap" with me! It's funny because you are actually better at clapping your feet together than your hands. Your newest cool trick is sticking your tongue out, all day, everyday. In the last few weeks almost all of the pictures I have of you are with your tongue sticking out.

If you are whining or crying, all I have to do is sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider. You can't get enough of that song, especially the part when it rains. On car rides I have sung this to you at least 20 times just to pacify you and it works every time.

We also had our first official family photo shoot! This is something else you are going to have to get used to because, in case you haven't noticed, mama likes to taking pictures of you! 

You are the absolute sweetest baby I have ever met. You are always laughing and smiling which means that I am also always laughing and smiling. I have never enjoyed anything in my entire life, as much as I enjoy being your mom. You are such a blessing and I can never convey how much I love you. Thank you for bringing your father and I so much closer. I love your relationship with him and seeing the way that he looks at you, with so much love, makes me the happiest person that ever lived. You, your Dad and Molly complete me. 

I love you, for forever and ever. Always.

Love, Mama

Lots of change going on in the Ramsaur house

Matt got a job at Target and will be starting on Friday. It is not his ideal job by any means, but it is something that will pay our bills and allow me to still stay home with Fenix. The best part is that it is 1/2 a mile from where we live and we get a discount. So just in gas alone, we will be saving lots of money and considering I live at Target, the discount is pretty awesome. Also, hello health insurance! He is going to try and work as much overtime as he possibly can before starting school in the summer.

I am very excited for Matt to start his job but it also is going to be a huge adjustment for me. I have always had him here to help me with Fenix. I know I will be just fine but it is a little scary to know that I will be on my own.

I also started my diet today. I have never successfully been on a diet and lost weight. I always stop a week or so in. This isn't more of a diet as it is being mindful of what I am putting in my body. I am more aware of all the junk and processed foods I have been eating. I need to be a role model for Fenix in so many ways and in order to get him to eat healthy foods I need to do so as well. I have no intention of giving Fenix junk food so why is it okay for me to eat it? (You can quote me on this when I have a picky toddler who won't eat anything)
We also took our first family pictures over the weekend and they came out beautiful. I absolutely love them. What I did not love was how heavy I look in the pictures. I lost all of my pregnancy weight but I am not toned by any means. My problem area is my midsection. I measured it today and I almost fell over when I looked at the number. To think I once wore a size 26!

I know I wrote this post about learning to love the new me. My weight however is not healthy. I have been cutting my self some slack because I just had a baby but no one is going to lose the weight for me, I have to do it myself. I fully realize that I will never look like I did when I was 19 years old and that is fine. What I do need is to treat my body better.

My goal is to lose 20 pounds. I am going to try and limit my carbs as much as I can and eat protein packed food instead. I also downloaded the MyFitnessPal app, have a set limit of 1200 calories per day and have banned any fast food (except healthy options like Flame Broiler). I am hoping and praying that by logging everything down and blogging every week about my progress it will keep me motivated and on track. I am taking a trip to Trader Joes today and buying lots of fresh yummy food. If you, the reader, can keep me accountable in any way, I would greatly appreciate it!

Please keep us in your prayers during all these changes and I will update next Monday on the progress of my diet!

So proud.

Matt has been praying for the last week about this and he is now, finally ready to go back to school. 

Up until now, everyone has been telling Matt that he needs to go back to college. He has not been ready and even if he did go back, I don't think he would have done as well as opposed to him going because he wants to go. To be quite honest, neither of us saw a reason for him to go back. Now that Fenix is here and I am a stay at home mama, that is one less source of income that we are going to have. It is very important to the both of us that I stay home with Fenix. It has been my dream to raise my children and stay at home and I have never been happier. That means that Matt needs to make WAY more money than he could be in a job without a degree. 

He did go to school for a year or so and we are waiting for his transcripts to be mailed from CSUF. We are PRAYING that there are a lot of credits and that they are transferable. He also has a grant that has been collecting interest for years so we will be using that money to pay for his classes, books, etc. and hopefully financial aid will take care of the rest. 

This is going to be another journey for us and it definitely won't be easy. My job as his wife is support him as he makes a great decision for our little family. I am so excited for the future! We want to have more children, a lot sooner than the 5 years apart that we had originally planned. Here's to Matt graduating and more babies! 

8 years

I know it may seem silly or ridiculous to even acknowledge the day Matt asked me to be his girlfriend but I love celebrating anything and everything that goes on in our lives. This day has always meant so much to me. We don't go out or do anything special like we do for our wedding anniversary but I will always remember this day.
It all started on March 26, 2004.

I will never, ever let Matt forget that he asked me to be his girlfriend through a text message. Yep. A text message. Of course I was 17 and he was 18 and we did a lot of communication through texting. Still. He was my first (and only) boyfriend and I was expecting something a bit more grand, more romantic. He did make it up to me though when he proposed!

Now that we are married and have a son, the relationship we have now is one that I have always dreamed about. I got to experience watching Matt grow up from a skinny teenage boy to a God loving man and husband. He is such a loving, caring, ridiculously funny person and I can't believe that he is all mine.

As much as I love having him as a husband, I equally love seeing him as a father. Matt never refuses to change a diaper (even a poopy one!), feed Fenix a bottle, give him a bath or anything that Fenix needs. He is so willing to take care of Fenix. Not a day goes by that I don't see Matt staring at Fenix, sighing and saying "Isn't he so beautiful?" and I always say, "Yes he is."

I am so happy that Fenix has a dad like Matt. I know most husbands would be repulsed and refuse to wear their babies. Not my husband. He proudly puts on the Boba carrier when we go on walks and I find that so incredibly attractive and I can't help but say hubba hubba! Real men wear their babies. That should be a bumper sticker.

Matt is my knight and shining armor for many reasons. One reason really stuck out to me recently. He does something I could never do and the thought alone gives me heart palpitations: He trims our son's nails with nail clippers. Every time we need to cut Fenix's nails, I sit in a chair and feed him a bottle while Matt clips them. The bottle is a great distraction and Fenix rarely notices what is going on. The entire time this is happening my heart is racing. Matt cut Fenix the very first time and the look of horror and pain in my newborn son's eyes and the silent cry that followed has scarred me for life. I cried with Fenix and Matt felt utterly horrible. Even after that, Matt will trim his nails. Just sitting there feeding Fenix is stressful enough, knowing that with one small slip, Matt can slice open his tiny baby sausage finger. Matt is so incredibly brave and I can't thank him enough for doing what I could never do.

We have been through so many obstacles and hurdles in the last 8 years. We grew up together, side by side. That is how we tackle everything in life now, especially when it comes to raising our son and we will always do everything together and be there to support each other no matter what.

Thanks for asking me to be your girlfriend that day babe. I am positive that you had NO IDEA what you were getting yourself into and that you would be stuck with me for life.