Wherein I talk about boobs and weaning.

After 13 months and 11 days, I am ready to be done nursing and start the weaning process. I am going to miss it and I am so grateful that my body was able to nourish and sustain Fenix for so long. It obviously went very well for Fenix too, my boy is super healthy and still a chunky monkey.  The beginning was super tough and incredibly painful but after that it was an easy breezy experience with no complications whatsoever. Nursing is so a part of our every day routine that it is going to be so weird to no longer be doing it. I only planned to nurse up until Fenix turned 1 year, which is pretty average but since the move coincided with our plan to wean, I didn't want to take away nursing from him AND move to a whole new place. I wanted to make sure that he was happy living at our new place and since he is doing extremely well I decided that now would be the perfect time to stop nursing.

I have a lot of questions and worries and I want to make sure that I am doing everything in my power to have this be the least traumatic for Fenix as possible. 

I want to officially be done by the beginning of January because I will be leaving my son for the very first time overnight (just thinking about makes my stomach turn upside down) and going to Vegas for my sister's bachelorette party. I will be leaving on Friday night and won't be returning until Sunday night and he will be with his daddy the whole time. So that gives me about a month so that when Vegas comes, nursing will not have been a part of our routine for a few weeks. 

A normal day for nursing is:

Some days when he wakes up around 7:30-8 he wants to nurse but majority of the time he doesn't need to.

Between 11-12 is when he naps and I nurse him to sleep. I realize that is something I probably shouldn't have done and it will only make it harder but we can't go back and change that so, moving on.

He goes to bed around 7:30-8 and I also nurse him to sleep.

Here is the really tough part: He recently got a second molar that really messed up his sleep and for the past 3 weeks he has been waking up every 1-2 hours constantly, every night. I am absolutely, completely exhausted and this extreme lack of sleep only made me want to start weaning even more. 

I have pretty much always gotten up in the middle of the night with Fenix. We don't do the cry it out method, once in awhile he will whine or do a fake cry and we will leave him but once he starts really crying, I am in there. If I go in to try and put him to sleep, he always wants to nurse. If I try to just rock him or sing to him he will flip out. Before I never had the option of sending Matt in to try and put him back to sleep because Fenix would scream and scream because he only wanted me, thankfully the last month Matt has been able to put him to sleep which has helped. Matt has to work so I obviously can't rely on him to wake up every 2 hours with him.

We also started giving Fenix cows milk through out the day and he loves it!

So my questions are...

Is it even possible to wean in a month?

Do I start substituting a time when I would nurse with cow's milk, like before nap time? 

What should we do when Fenix wakes up in the middle of the night and I can't nurse him?

If it makes any difference he doesn't use a bottle or a pacifier.

I honestly have no idea what I should be doing so any advice, words of encouragement, prayers would be SOO appreciated. 

I am PRAYING for an easy and smooth transition for both of us!

365 days of Fenix

Before Fenix was born I thought I knew what love was.
I thought I knew how much I loved my husband.
I thought I knew what beauty was.
I thought I knew what true joy, happiness and laughter felt like.

When he came into this world he changed everything.
Now,  love is a never ending, infinite feeling that is so intense that my heart doesn't seem big enough.

Giving birth to our son that we created together and watching my husband crying tears of absolute joy as he saw our son come into this world is something I will never forget. I fell in love with my husband in a way that I did not know was possible.

Fenix also redefined my definition of beauty. I have never, and until we have more children, will never see anything more beautiful than when I look at my son. From the top of his curly head down to his chunky little toes, I love it all.

There is also nothing like watching someone grow up and experience life for the first time. Any and every little thing he has done we have been there cheering him on and loving on him every possible chance we get. There is no doubt that he will always feel loved.

I am still processing and trying to wrap my head around the fact that a year ago, this was my son.

Before he was born I had prayed and dreamed about my son and what he would look like. In my wildest dreams I could not have imagined anything more beautiful. He is a blessing from the Lord and I am so honored and humbled to call myself his mama.

"As surely as you live, my Lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord. I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord." 1 Samuel 1:26-28

Let the adventure begin

I have been absent from my blog for some time. To be fair we have been crazy busy and we have had some life changing news happen in the last few weeks. And no I am not pregnant. Just thought I would save you the suspense since everyone automatically assumes news = pregnancy. 

Before I go into details let me go back to the beginning. Warning: this is a very long update. 

September 11th was Matt's birthday. 

We went to Disneyland and had the absolute best time. When we first took Fenix, he was teething all day long and got his first tooth the next day. He was completely miserable and didn't smile the whole time. This trip was completely different. He was so excited to see everything and anything. Cars Land was definitely the high light and so was the Pixar parade. Matt said it was his best birthday yet!

Oh and please excuse my awful look. It was incredibly hot and terribly humid.

And here is the same picture just zoomed in so you can see Fenix's silly expression.

The next day we got an update on Phoenix: we were told that Matt's company was no longer going through with the project.
(If you are unfamiliar with my posts on Phoenix, start here, then here and the last one here.)
Matt was absolutely crushed. As hard as it would be to move, one thing was certain: we would be able to live as a one income family and not struggle like we would if we lived here. We told our families and they of course were super excited that we were staying but they also felt badly for Matt because they knew it would be a great career move.  We also started immediately looking for places to live in orange county. Let me just say that it is insane how expensive it is to live here! For a basic 2 bedroom, 1 bath with basic amenities in Brea/Fullerton it would be about $1300-$1500. That is something we could not afford off one income. If you have read any of our prior posts or know us, we are both completely traditional in the sense that Matt is the provider and my role is to be a stay at home mom. I absolutely love it and there is nothing in this world that I would rather be doing and I realize that I am super blessed to stay home with my son. So the idea of me going back to work was something we were going to try to avoid at all costs but the high cost of living here made it impossible for me to stay home.

So the next day I continued apartment and job hunting and we had a few appointments set up at different places and I had a few places wanted to schedule interviews for jobs. I was going to go to Matt's work on his lunch break so I called him to ask what he wanted for dinner. He told me, "I really don't care, as long as it something good to celebrate." "Celebrate what?" I asked him. "Well we are moving to Phoenix. They just told me right now."

Yep.

We are officially moving to Phoenix.

To go from we aren't going to, yes we are going, in less than a day was a lot to handle. I drove over to his work so we could talk about everything and I had only seen this kind of excitement in my husband on a few occasions: our engagement, wedding day, finding out I was pregnant and when Fenix was born. Matt was on cloud nine and beyond excited. Even though this caught us off guard, we were ready to go. I can't tell you how many times I had prayed about Phoenix. I had completely given the entire situation over to God and I was completely at peace. I told Him that if that is where He wants us, let it be known. I knew that everything would work out because it was His will. 

That was late on Thursday night. I spent the next three days researching Phoenix, looking for apartments and getting everything ready for our road trip to go out there and find a place to live. You can definitely say that week was incredibly busy and exhausting: mentally and emotionally.

Matt worked an overnight shift on Sunday from 7-3:30am. I took him to work, came home, gave Fenix a bath and put him to sleep, packed all of our clothes and anything else we needed and did 3 loads of laundry. With so much to do and the anticipation for our road trip, I slept for maybe an hour. Then at 2:30am I showered, loaded EVERYTHING in the car, got Fenix in his car seat and we left to pick up Matt. The great thing about leaving that early was NO traffic. We made really good time and were out of the LA area within an hour or so. Matt took the first shift and he drove until 6 and then I woke up so I could drive and he could sleep. I was able to watch the sun rise in the desert and that was so beautiful. Fenix slept until 7:15 and then we stopped and stretched our legs. I remember standing and holding Fenix cheek to cheek as he looked at all the desert around us as the sun peeked over the hills. To know that he had never seen anything like it and to be there as he is taking it all in, it was an amazing moment as his mama. 

This was also Fenix's first road trip so we were unsure how he would handle it. Asking a toddler to sit in their car seat for a 5 hours is a crazy request. Thank God he did really well. The last half an hour though, he had enough. There wasn't much we could do because we were still in the middle of nowhere. So we had no other option but to let him cry/whine for that time and we listened to our music very loudly. The first city we got to was Buckeye and we stopped for some much needed coffee and donuts at Dunkin Donuts. I was very excited to try them since there are none around where we live but I was sadly disappointed. They were too thick and cakey as opposed to being light and airy which is what I like in a donut.  After our quick breakfast we got back in the car and thankfully we now had reception which meant we could put on Youtube for Fenix! No crying baby! 

It only took us about 30 minutes from that point to get to our first appointment. Like I said, I had done hours and hours of research looking for apartments. The only problem was not knowing the area whatsoever. When we got to Phoenix where the first apartment was, Matt and I were really nervous. It was a bad, bad neighborhood. It was so bad that we drove into the complex, looked at it from our car, drove away and called to immediately cancel our appointment. The next place we went to was nicer but the area was still bad. My heart was sinking. I was hoping and praying that this isn't what the entire city of Phoenix was like. The leasing consultant told us about one of the other properties they managed and she thought that we would really like it. When we drove over to the area, it was like a breath of fresh air. We could immediately tell that it was a much nicer part. We got a tour and we fell in love with it. The complex was really nice and well maintained, it was off a quite street and there was no traffic noise, the interior of the unit was super nice and had everything we wanted/needed. A huge plus is that it is only 10 minutes away from Matt's work and he doesn't need to take a freeway. 5 minutes away is a huge shopping center with a Costco, tons of yummy restaurants and a Hobby Lobby. Technically it is in Phoenix but we are on the border of the city Avondale.

Matt was ready to sign the papers right there but I wanted to look around and take some time before we made such a big decision. We decided to check in to our hotel and get some lunch. A few hours later we went back and looked at some more apartments and they were either out of our budget or they didn't have any two bedrooms available around the date we needed. We were both in agreement that this was exactly what we were looking for and we really loved the area. By that time is was too late to do any of the paperwork so we called the leasing office and scheduled an appointment right when they opened so we could  get the process started.

We went to Islands for dinner and sat there in awe.
We found our place. 
It is official. 
We are actually moving. 
Finding our soon to be home made it so real.
Fenix had no idea what was going on but he was in heaven because he was eating chicken and broccoli and in that boy's eyes, there is no greater combination. After dinner we went straight to our hotel to put Fenix to sleep and we were passed out by 9:30. How we managed to stay up from 8 am the previous day with only a few hours of sleep is beyond me. Fenix also slept from 9-6 which was super impressive considering he has never slept in his pack and play overnight. Then he went back to sleep until 8:30 and that was a super big blessing because all of that sleep completely recharged us and we were ready for another big day. Since our hotel was half an hour away from the apartments, we packed up early and headed west. After all the paperwork was signed and we gave them our deposit we went out to breakfast to celebrate. Phoenix gorged himself on fruit and made friends with the baby sitting at the next table. We couldn't leave without going to Hobby Lobby and buying some things for our new home. That place is so amazing that even Matt didn't mind shopping and that says a lot!

Before leaving we decided to get Fenix's birthday present a little early. With a long drive ahead of us we decided a portable dvd player was a definite necessity. That, plus Rio, Veggie Tales and a few Yo Gabba Gabba DVD's were our saving grace.

And that was Fenix's first road trip and the first time I had ever been to Arizona. Due to the lack of sleep and the short amount of time that we were there, we sadly took no pictures.

So here is a rundown on everything:
We move in on November 2nd.
We got a two bedroom, two bath.
It comes with a washer/dryer in the unit, HOW AMAZING IS THAT?
It also comes with a full kitchen: fridge, microwave and dishwasher.
It of course has a/c and a cute little patio/balcony.

I still can't believe it is happening.
This is going to be a new adventure for our little family. We truly feel like this is the absolute right decision. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared or nervous. It is totally scary moving to a new state not knowing anyone. That is where I am so grateful to be a part of the body of Christ. I know our friends and family are going to be praying for us and offering support in any way they can.

Also, a huge perk when we move out there is NO MORE OVERNIGHT SHIFTS!  HALLELUJAH! If I had a mountain I would go to the top and yell, scream and do a little dance. Those shifts have been super hard on both of us, especially him. It is impossible to get used to working those hours and his sleeping schedule is so thrown off. Not to mention he is gone every weekend night. Going to bed without your husband on multiple nights is just awful. Now he will be working a normal 8-5 and have weekends off, PRAISE JESUS! My husband will be home every night for dinner and I can't explain how excited we both are! He also will be free on Sunday mornings and that means he will be free to go to different churches with me in hopes of finding "our" church.

Another perk is for the first few months that we are out there, his company is allowing Matt to come back to California and work out of the Anaheim branch for about a week so that the transition won't be so difficult. It won't be like we are on the East coast and only able to visit on holidays. We are a a 5-6 hour drive/1 hour plane ride away. And we have invited all of our friends to take a road trip and they will save money on hotels by staying with us and basically only pay for gas. I am also bribing them by cooking all meals:]

At the very top of our list after we are done moving and getting settled in is finding a church. WACC is really the only church I have ever known. I absolutely love it there and it has so much meaning to me and our family. I want to get plugged into a church as soon as possible. I know it is going to take some time and I can't expect it to happen right away but I am praying that we find "the one" sooner rather than later.

We are so ecstatic to see what God has in store for us in Phoenix. We are taking complete comfort in knowing that this is His plan.

Please pray for us.

Pray that our move goes smoothly.
Pray for Matt as he takes a step in a new direction with his job.
Pray that we find a church that is filled with people that genuinely love Christ and who aspire to be like Him.
Pray that we make friends that are positive and uplifting people.
Pray for our marriage and that this move will only bring us closer as a couple, family and ultimately closer to God.
Pray for our families who are so happy for us yet so heartbroken that we are leaving and taking Fenix with us.

God is so, SO good.
I am clinging to this verse right now.

Jeremiah 29:11 
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

An update on Phoenix

So a lot of you have been asking what is the status on our move. The frustrating part is that, as of right now, everything is the same as of the last post. Though the move is a for sure thing, the timing is still up in the air. His company starts their fiscal year as of October 1st and the higher ups are all going to be meeting this month and going over everything, including the budget for Phoenix. I know I mentioned in my last post but as of right now there is no official call center for customer service. There is one for their dispatch team so what they are doing is knocking down walls and creating a new office just for customer service. The budget that will be given to Matt's boss will determine everything from his pay and when we will move. 

It feels like our life is on hold right now. We know this will be a new adventure to say the least but having no clue when we will be leaving is tough. I have been praying every chance I get. Some days it is super easy to give my worry and stress up to God and others days it isn't and that is when I become pessimistic thinking this won't ever happen. 

I was driving and thinking about so many different things, including Phoenix, and this song came on. It is very old and I had never really listened to the lyrics but they could not have applied more perfectly to our life at the moment.

Desperate for changing, starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

This is definitely testing me in areas of trust and patience. I know that regardless of the outcome, God has our back, obviously but I can't help but feel like God is pulling us to Phoenix. 

I am just going to continue praying for wisdom, patience and to take this stress off my heart. If you have time, please say a prayer for our little family, we would REALLY appreciate it. 

In the meantime a happy distraction is planning my son's FIRST birthday. Seriously, how the heck did that happen?! I had this 8 pound newborn and now he is going to be a 25 pound 1 year old!? If I wasn't so excited to have his party I would tell him he can't turn one and that's that! Growing up is so tough on mamas! I guess that means we will just have to have another! ;)